I love that Gillette has finally jumped on the band wagon and is promoting their products all over our beloved hockey sites. Do they not understand that all they represent this time of year is failure? Gillette as a corporate entitiy, needs to prepare properly for this time of year. Much in the manner of a hibernating bear, they should prepare themselves for a long couple of months, as millions of us cast aside our shaving implements, and the art of man-scaping till Stanley Cup of bust!

PLAYOFF BEARDS ACTIVATE!!!!

Below you will find my rather conservative picks for round one of the 2007-2008 Stanley Cup Playoffs, as well as notable playoff beards you should keep an eye on. Enjoy!

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Montreal Canadiens vs Boston Bruins
The Montreal Canadiens finished the season at the top of the Eastern Conference. A feat few dreamed of. This squad of young players grew so confident that management deemed their number one goaltender Cristobal Huet expendable and traded him away to make room for the youth movement and new starting netminder Carey Price. The Boston Bruins looked like a solid playoff contender until goaltender Tim Thomas became human and started allowing goals by the bucket. They finished strong enough to stave off (haven't used that beauty in a while) upstarts Buffalo and Florida from stealing their playoff bid, however I think their return to the post-season will be a short one. The Habs ride a 3 game winning streak into the playoffs and have lost only once in regulation in their last 10. The series should be over quicker than Martin Havlat's comeback next season.

Playoff Beard Prediction: Habs over the Bruins in 4 games.

Playoff Beard Watch:
Half the Canadiens roster hasn't hit puberty yet, so really your guess is as good as mine. Keep an eye on Kovalev.... some of those Russian boys can get a bit wooly. As for the Bruins, I'd say watch Glen Murray, and Zdeno Chara. Although I doubt the Bruins will be playing long enough in the playoffs to get shadow.

Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Ottawa Senators
The future is now in Pittsburgh. Does any team in the NHL boast as potent an offensive corps as the Penguins do? Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, and Marian Hossa… oh my. The Pens also walk into the playoffs playing solid hockey, and for the first time in months will ice a healthy lineup. Playoff veteran Gary Roberts should return from his broken leg for the series and provide a teaspoon of extra grit for their Cup run. The Ottawa Senators. The once great Eastern Conference Champs… now a study in moppishness… I kid, but not really. The Senators have fallen apart and succumbed to their inner turmoil and scandals. Benched goalies, fired coaches, and now injured stars will all sideline this club’s chances at another bid for the Stanley Cup. The Penguins should roll over Ottawa, in a fashion similar to the way the Sens defeated them last year. In fact I predict the outcome to be the same, but opposite. Did that make sense? This will:

Playoff Beard Prediction: Penguins over Senators in 5 games.

Playoff Beard Watch:
As I said folks. The future is now. It is time for the Cros-beard!

Washington Capitals vs Philadelphia Flyers
Welcome back to the playoffs Philadelphia! As Bosh predicted, you have made it (unfortunately my other prediction of Los Angeles clinching a post-season berth somewhat soils this victory)… however, much like the Bruins your return will be an extremely short one. The Washington Capitals are unstoppable, and have been pretty much since the trade deadline. Riding their number one horse of soon-to-be MVP Alexander Ovechkin, and castoff goaltender Cristobal Huet, the Caps have kicked the stuffing out of everyone and not only made the playoffs but clinched the Southeast Division and the three seed (much to the sadness of the Carolina Hurricanes and their faithful). The Capitals have won their last 7 and I don’t see that winning streak ending anytime soon.

Playoff Beard Prediction: Capitals over the Flyers in 3 games. Yes I’m aware they need to win four, but I expect the Caps to beat the Flyers so badly in the first three, that they will forfeit game 4.

Playoff Beard Watch: The Capitals are all about Alexander Ovechkin, and Ovechkin is all about playoff beards. This guy sprouted a beauty midway through the season and should easily do so again. I’m convinced he’s part Yeti.

New Jersey Devils vs. New York Rangers
This is the only series in the Eastern Conference that I find difficulty predicting. Rangers. Both teams are very evenly matched. Rangers. Both have great goaltenders. Rangers. New York bested the Devils for all but one of the games this season, the games were extremely close, and most were settled in extra innings. Rangers. Both clubs boast proven Stanley Cup veterans. Rangers. Both teams know each other far too well. Rangers. As I said this one is a crapshoot and it could go either way. Rangers. So allow me to hazard a guess. Rangers.

Playoff Beard Prediction: Rangers over the Devils in 6 games.

Playoff Beard Watch: The Rangers should easily dominate the Devils in almost every facet of the game, and most certainly in playoff beard growth. Brendan Shanahan will most likely be sporting his patented ‘Evil Spock’ look by the end of the series. Jaromir Jagr is already growing a soup-catcher, and I expect him to be looking like a wookie by the middle of round 1. Scott Gomez also has tons of potential.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

Detroit Red Wings vs. Nashville Predators
Didn’t we just do this last year? I swear we did. Critics still claim that the Red Wings are playoff choke artists, however here at Playoff Beard Central we think otherwise. I believe the Wings shed that evil moniker last season when they made it to the Western Conference Finals, and eventually fell to the Anaheim Ducks. The Red Wings hit the skids for a short period during the second half of the season, but still finished way ahead of the competition with 115 points and won 7 of their last 10 games. While the Nashville Predators should be commended for making it back to the playoffs after most of their team was sold off, the accolades stop now. I doubt the Red Wings will have much trouble dispatching their first round opponents.

Playoff Beard Prediction: Wings over the Preds in 5 games.

Playoff Beard Watch: I knew there was a reason the Red Wings brought Darren McCarty back! Facial Hair. He and Holstrom should start looking like man-sized Ewoks towards the end of round 1.

San Jose Sharks vs. Calgary Flames
The San Jose Sharks have been waiting for this all season and playing like it too. Finishing second only the the Red Wings, the Sharks dominated the competition and clinched the Pacific Division. They also acquired defensive stud (I feel dirty every time I call another man that) Brian Campbell from the Buffalo Sabres at the trade deadline in order to solidify their chances for a long Stanley Cup run. And you know what else? I just don’t care. I’m not buying into the Sharks propaganda and haven’t all year long. Until they prove me wrong, I will sit in my Ivory tower (more like a sub-basement) and cast aspersions of them and their chances of winning. The Sharks are missing one vital ingredient. Jarome Iginla.

Playoff Beard Prediction: Flames over the Sharks in 6 games.

Playoff Beard Watch: Playoff beards should be plentiful in this series, unfortunately half of them will be shaved prematurely. Calgary boasts two of the best face men in forward Jarome Iginla, and goaltender Mikka Kipprusoff, while the San Jose Sharks forward Joe Thornton, and G.I. Joe Snow Job look-alike Brian Campbell counter with playoff beard depth of their own.

Minnesota Wild vs. Colorado Avalanche
Colorado looks like the Avalanche of old. Or do they look like a a bunch of old Avalanche? The Avs sought to rediscover some magic from yester-year and brought back forward Peter Forsberg, and defenceman Adam Foote to help them in their bid for another Stanley Cup. The Minnesota Wild had a solid year and clinched the Northwest Division title and play that patented smothering defensive style hockey that we all cherish. However I doubt even their stingyness on the blueline will be enough to stop an Avs forward corps that is loaded with firepower, and a goaltender named Jose Theodore who has been reborn thanks to the miracle of Propecia ©.

Playoff Beard Prediction: Avalanche over the Wild in 5 games.

Playoff Beard Watch: Peter Forsberg is famous for his post-season heroics, but I submit that his playoff beard is the stuff of legends. If Forsberg stops shaving now, he will be piloting the Millenium Falcon by tomorrow.

Anaheim Ducks vs. Dallas Stars
It seems almost a shame that after the amazing season the Dallas Stars had, that they drew the defending Stanley Cup Champion Anaheim Ducks in round 1. Again goaltender Marty Turco will have to prove that he is not a playoff jinx ( also unfairly branded as he was the star player in the Stars first round knock out by Vancouver last year… the man had three shutouts in the series and they still lost). The Anaheim Ducks get defenceman Chris Pronger back just in time for the playoffs where he can get suspended again. Without Pronger, the Ducks are ridiculously stacked on the blue line, and have a more than capable goaltender in Jean-Sebastien Giguere. They don’t score a lot, but neither does Dallas. This series is going to be a long one.

Playoff Beard Prediction: Ducks over the Stars in 7 games.

Playoff Beard Watch: Two words. Scott Niedermayer. The Patron Saint of the Playoff Beard, and our very own Playoff Beard winner last year pilots this team like the chin of a Z.Z. Top band member. Can anything stop Beard-ermayer? No way.

That’s it folks. Enjoy the playoffs... and your facial hair!

Your friend on ice,
Captain Bosh