In 9 days, 16 teams, and over 400 players will take part in a century old right of passage and watch the stock price of Gilette dip slightly. To help simplify the chaos of the playoffs, and the unprecedented hair growth that follows it,we bring you the Playoff Beard Guide to Grading the Beard.

This simple and easy to follow guide will help you grade the Playoff Beards that you will bear witness to starting April 21st. Below you will find the five stages of the Beard during its transformation throughout the four rounds of the NHL playoffs.

STAGE 1: The Kristofferson

Round 1 of the playoffs offers some of the most exciting hockey, and a variety of playoff beards (although at this point they are still in the fetal stage of growth) . Starting with 16 teams, and often going to 7 games, this round gives us a chance to view beard potential, and future beards.... unfortunately, beard potential must also be followed up with skill, determination and teamwork on the ice, or one will find themselves shaving on the golf course....or in this instance helping Wesley Snipes fight Vampires.

STAGE 2: The Chaka

Towards the end of round 1 and entering round 2, those who have chosen to go natural will begin to emerge. Many players are beginning to look like the retarded half monkey / half ewok thing from 'Land of the Lost', or like Peter Forsberg does on a daily basis.

STAGE 3: The Mango Salsa

End of round 2, beginning of round 3, we start to see the real playoff beard veterans take center stage. We have officially entered the Ice Age, and players are now really fighting for survival, and for respect with that representative from Geico. At this point, you really shouldn't have much of an appetite. Thank you.

STAGE 4: The Castaway

WILSON!!! In this case however Wilson is not a finely manufactured piece of lawn sports equipment....it is a gleaming beacon of hope symbolized by one Stanley Cup. By the end of round 3, the best teams will be showcasing FedEx quality hair growth. If you think you see Jesus, it's ok, there is no need to call your priest.

STAGE 5: The Chewbacca

The Stanley Cup finals will bring us facial hair growth that only George Lucas could be proud of (and perhaps willing to sue for over copyright infringement). This is the time of year when Rob Neidermayer, and Ray Bourque, stop looking human, and resembled helmets stuffed with hair. Chewbacca would most likely retort with something poetic, only to have the entire cast laugh at him because they don't understand his language and feel more comfortable treating him like a stray dog, than an equal. He only flew the Millenium Falcon for love of pete! I digress,... perhaps the finest Playoff Beards will be on display in the final round. In the past, the legends of the sport, like Esche, Giguerre, and even St. Louis become wookies on ice.

WHEN BEARDS GO WRONG: The Freisen

Oh Jeff. Oh no. Perhaps the worst attempt ever at a playoff beard was the porn star / Wyatt Earp special that Jeff Freisen tried to pull off a few years ago. The effort was there. The genetics however...ooooh......in another line of work, his facial hair could have been put to good use. In the NHL however, it was misplaced. Better luck next time Officer Freisen!

This concludes our lesson folks. Over the next 9 days, you will hear my playoff predictions, the Stanley Cup winner, end of year awards, and perhaps the most coveted of honors....I will give you my picks for Playoff Beard favorites! Stay tuned!

Your friend on ice,
Captain Bosh